The year was 2010 and Kamsiyochukwu had just been promoted to primary 4 gold. Her new class teacher, Mrs. Onipede had given them a rather thrilling welcome and had intimated them with her rules and regulations while emphasizing that flouting them meant the defaulter wished to get six strokes of a branch of the popular “Atori” tree. Burns like Wasabi. That one.
The term started rather well, too well actually as Kamsiyochukwu, “Kamsi” for short had already made friends with the new girl, Teniola who had just relocated from the United States. She was the prettiest girl in their class and soon, all the boys including Obiora, who had always acted like he couldn’t be bothered by girls had begun to write love letters starting with “Dear Teni,” and ending with “Love, Obiora”. Who would’ve thought?
The other boys, Kamsi later deduced, just wanted a bite of her imported Hershey’s milk chocolate bar.
Soon it was midterm and on this fateful day, Teniola’s grandmother who also doubled as her sole caretaker had brought packets of popcorn, lollipop, cheese balls and Caprisun to school.
What in the tuckshop was going on ??
“Today is my birthday“, Teniola whispered shyly just as Mrs. Onipede turned her back to write on the blackboard.
“Wow! Happy Birthday!” Kamsi responded with a wide grin on her face.
“Thank you.” Teni replied with a shy smile.
She was cradling a colorful nylon bag with balloons and birthday cones printed on it. Kamsi would later learn that it contained a packet of HB pencils, lipgloss and hair bands in different colors from her only serious admirer, Obiora.
Were they dating now? How did he know her birthday beforehand? Anyway…
At break time, a creamery delivered a round chocolate cake coated with coconut shavings to their class with “Happy Birthday Teniola” piped on it in white whipped cream and everyone couldn’t wait to dig in.
A birthday song was sung for Teniola amidst squeals and giggles and the birthday goodies were distributed evenly around the class after Mrs. Onipede had said a prayer.
Kamsi however wouldn’t touch hers. Teniola noticed this and asked what the matter was.
“Nothing, I’ll eat it later. I’m still full.” Kamsi had responded but she knew that there wasn’t going to be “later”. She dared not eat anything from Teni’s birthday souvenir package or else she was going to die. She just knew.
On Sunday, her Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Akpabio had digressed a little from the sermon about Moses parting the Red Sea by telling them a story of how a girl found a cat in place of the birthday cake she got from school. It had scared Kamsi so much that she had vowed never to eat any birthday goodies going forward.
Her parents on the other hand believed strongly that birthday goodies were one of the many ways children were initiated into witchcraft and promised their children of which Kamsi was second that if any of them ate any birthday goodies, they’d know and they’d beat such child until he/she turned into a goat. Better a goat than a witch, right?
However, it was time for extra lessons and Kamsi’s stomach had begun to rumble with hunger. It didn’t help that everyone including Mrs. Onipede couldn’t stop talking about how good the birthday cake was. Kamsi badly wanted to take a bite but she held on. In the end, after much deliberation, she decided to eat the popcorn and top it with Caprisun. Nobody would know.
It was finally time to go home and Kamsi got in the backseat of her Father’s car after waving goodbye to her friends.
“See you tomorrow” they chorused as they waved goodbye.
“Today was Teni’s birthday Daddy”, Kamsiyochukwu began just as their car turned into the driveway. Why she brought it up, she’d never know. She didn’t want to but she found herself spilling anyway.
“Really? And did she share anything?” Her Dad asked.
“Yes. It’s in my bag. I didn’t touch it” she lied. She’d rather lie than be beaten into a goat. God please forgive me.
“Good girl. God bless you” her Dad responded with a smile. His daughter had just made him proud.
They got home and her Mother took the cake and put it on the fridge.
“I’ll throw it in the garbage tomorrow “ she had said.
Tomorrow came quite alright only that it wasn’t like every other tomorrow that had come before it.
A grey Cheshire Cat was seated comfortably on their fridge grinning at them.
What?! Are we in a Harry Potter simulation? Did Professor McGonagall shape shift again? What the hell was going on?!
“Blood of Jesus!!!!” her Mom screamed which had sent her Dad running.
He couldn’t believe his eyes as he stared back at the cat.
“I bind you in Jesus name” he continued to chant but the cat wouldn’t budge. Their Pastor, Bishop Donald had to come around later to organize a deliverance service in which the cat was beaten with a stick until it died. It’s body was then burnt with fire in their backyard while her Mom continued to sprinkle “holy water” all over their compound to ward off unseen forces.
Kamsi on the other hand wanted to die. Her worst fears had come to pass. Not only was she going to die, she was also a witch.
She was a witch. An Igbo witch. OMG! Maybe if she threw up, she’d rid her stomach of the popcorn and Caprisun she took yesterday. Maybe she should just come clean to her parents and be beaten into a goat. Bishop Donald was around, maybe he’d cast the devil out of her.
Maybe. Maybe. Just Maybe.
Teni’s grandmother had to be a witch. Teni was a witch and so was everyone in their class who had eaten the cake including Mrs. Onipede. Her life was going to end in primary four and it was all her fault.
What was she going to do now?
Teni’s birthday cake had shape-shifted right there on their fridge. It was unbelievable but it was true.
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